Author: Paul

Birthday Cookout

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My friend Marshall turned 40 today. I met Marshall I think in 1998. I can’t remember actually. We get together a few times a year for dinner, etc. I last saw him on New Years Eve when he came over for dinner. My friend David came over too. We had a nice time. Marshall’s partner Jim decided to have a party for Marshall’s 40th birthday. So I went to their house today for the cookout. There were about 25 people there. I didn’t think there’d be that many. It was nice to meet some new people. I had actually met some of them before at Marshall’s other parties. One guy there, Sam, I met before I knew Marshall. Then found out that he was friends with Marshall and his partner Jim. Anyway, I haven’t seen Sam in a long time. He’s looking pretty good. We had some nice conversation catching up on what we’ve been up to lately. It was good seeing him again.

When I’m at parties, I tend to be pretty quiet and don’t start conversations with people. I usually let them ask me something. I’m pretty shy that way. While at Marshall’s party, I was the same way. I did a lot more listening then talking. Seems like a lot of gay men are really into travel. Most of the guys I was standing around with were talking about all their world travels. They’d ask me if I’ve been here or there and I’d say no, I’m not a big traveller. The conversation moves on to jobs, where we live, etc. We did have some good discussions about the Virginia General Assembly and how Warner is being a wimp and not using his veto power.

Jim and Marshall have been together for going on 14 years I think. This year for Marshall’s birthday Jim is taking him on a cruise to Alaska. While there, they will get to climb on a glacier and go on a dog sled run. It sounds like it’ll be a great trip. Jim was thinking of a cool way to surprise Marshall with his gift so he put big chunks of ice on a tray and a map of Alaska under the ice with the water part showing. Then he put a little toy ship on the “water”. He covered it with a bowl and revealed it after Marshall blew out his candles. I thought it was very creative and a great way to surprise Marshall. It’s so sweet to see a happy gay couple who have been together for so many years.

Concerned

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I’m concerned about the Virginia General Assembly. They have not passed a budget yet. School systems in Virginia are holding their breath to see what state funds will be transfered to their local budgets. Plans are being made to deal with the possibility the state will not pass a budget in time for the next school year. Major school programs are in jeopardy of being cut to make up the difference. Summer school is first on the chopping block. Then comes extracurricular programs. And finally they might start school one week later with a furlough for teachers. This also means teachers will not see a cost of living increase in next year’s contract with the possibility of no step increases. What in the world are they thinking? The fucking republican controlled house and senate of Virginia are so fucked up. They don’t want to raise taxes to make up for their former boss screwing up the state budget by doing away with the car tax. Everyone would like to see the car tax die but let’s be realistic. For the state to provide the benefits we’ve become accustomed to, we must create revenue from some source. The car tax is the logical answer. Other taxes are proposed but none of them will make up the funds needed to run the state. I know I don’t know all the ins and outs of the state government but I do know the part that effects me. I am also a citizen and know that we must pay taxes to provide certain services. It just makes me sick and embarrassed to be a citizen of this state with such a screwed up state government.

The state government hasn’t passed a budget but they did create time to write discrimination into our state constitution. Yesterday they ratified “Marriage Affirmation Act.” This act denies many legal rights to same-sex couples. Equality Virginia has a very informative article on their web site. (Thanks to Dan for the link.)

HB 751 not only prohibits the state from recognizing civil unions (which it already didn’t do), but strips private contractual rights between same-sex couples by outlawing any “partnership contract or other arrangements that purport to provide the benefits of marriage.”

Once this bill is enacted, it will likely deprive gay and lesbian Virginians of some of the few choices that they currently have to protect their families including:
• Advanced Medical Directives (also known as Power of Attorney)
• Custody decisions and arrangements
• Health Insurance coverage through those companies in Virginia currently able to offer benefits to unmarried partners.
• Estate planning and wills.

Because each of these “arrangements” grants rights contractually that are otherwise available only through marriage, they can be set aside or voided by the action of the General Assembly.

Just recently I gave my friend Shawn a hard time about living in a state that law denies birth certificates to same-sex couples who have adopted children in Oklahoma. Now I’m ashamed to say I live in a state that has written such legislation. Are all these laws the backlash we should have expected from all the gay friendly acceptance we enjoyed in the late ’90s and early 2000’s? Why is this country so fucked up on basic civil rights? What do they loose by letting gays and lesbians enjoy the same rights they enjoy? I just don’t understand how so many people in this country can be so inept.

Odds and Ends

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Today I got up early. I did laundry, cleaned my house a bit, showered, ate breakfast, and got dressed. By 11:00 AM I was off to the Apple store. I was hoping to buy the SightLight. It’s the light that goes around the iSight to provide the correct amount of light needed. But alas, the Apple store didn’t have it. The lady said it was only available on the web site at this time. I’ll have to order from there then. I wanted to create another video blog entry but have decided I will wait until I have the correct lighting. I think my last one lacked the appropriate lighting.

So instead of creating another video blog entry, I played with iMovie. I took many of the pictures I’ve taken of Shawn and put them together into a little movie. I added the Ken Burns effect, added music, and a few simple titles. I talked with Shawn on the phone today and told him about it. I told him not to think I’m obsessed with him. I was just playing around with the features of iMovie. He said he’s sure he’ll hate the pictures when he sees them. Sorry Shawn. We had a great phone call. I always enjoy catching up with Shawn. Anyway, creating the movie only took a few minutes.

My twin brother, George, is in town for a few days. He lives in Columbus, Ohio. He came to my place this afternoon to visit and catch up. I was showing him my relatively new digital camera. I took a few pictures of him. You can see them below. He warned me that if I post these pictures, he’ll sue. I’ll take my chances. As you can see from the pics, my brother is quite a funny guy. He was being extremely silly. And hey, do we look like twins at all? Probably not. We are fraternal twins. He’s much taller, and bigger then I am. It was good to catch up with him this afternoon. I’ll probably get to see him one more time before he leaves town.


While my brother George was here visiting, my phone rang for only the second time this weekend. I checked the caller ID and saw that it was Brad. I haven’t talked to him for more then a week. I was a little shocked to hear from him. I answered it. He said hello and asked if I wanted to go grab some dinner. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go. My brother was still here visiting. So I told Brad I couldn’t. He said we’ll do it another time. I feel so bad. After I was writing about him in another entry and saying how he hasn’t gotten in touch with me and when he does, I’m not free. I hope he doesn’t take that the wrong way.

Day With Mother

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Today I spent the day with my mother. I haven't spent that much time with her in a long time. I got to her house about 9:00 AM this morning. I went through the house with her talking about what she's going to get rid of and what she's going to keep and what furniture she needs to buy. She recently sold her house and bought a condo and has decided to get new bedroom furniture, dining room furniture, and living room furniture. We made plans to go furniture shopping today. She had picked out a handful of places to go. None of them were furniture stores I would buy anything from. But she's the one buying the furniture so I took her. We started out at The Room Store. Years ago when I first bought my condo and didn't have much money I bought a couch and a chair from this place. It's changed since then. The furniture is so tacky and cheap. We walked all through the place and my mother didn't find anything she cared for. As soon as we walked in the place we were accosted by several salesmen. This one asian guy actually followed us around the store. I finally stopped him and said he could stop following us because we aren't going to buy anything. He quickly apologized and went the other way. My mother started laughing. She couldn't believe I said that to him. But he was getting on my nerves and I knew we weren't going to buy anything. So we left that store.

Then we went to Marlo. Again, another cheap store. We walked around the whole store and she actually found a bedroom set that she liked. I didn't care of it at all. It's a medium oak colored set. I can't even describe the style. Kind of early American. It is made with some solid wood so it's not the worse choice she could have made. She currently has dark wood and hates dusting it so she's going with lighter wood this time. I tried to explain to her that light wood trend is over and it's back to darker, less ornate furniture. She didn't care. She knows what she likes and will probably buy it.

On the way home we stopped at Storehouse furniture. This is the place I bought all of my furniture. My mother doesn't want to spend nearly as much as I spent on mine. We made once complete circle of the store and she didn't find anything she liked. And when she looked at the prices she said this wasn't the store for her. After leaving Storehouse, she was disappointed with the whole furniture shopping outing. She was really hoping to find something she liked and order it today. I told her we could go again another day if she wanted. And that I'd take her back to Marlo to get the set she did like if she decided to buy it.

We were hungry by this time so we went to Subway for lunch. There was a really cute guy in line in front of us. So while my mother was talking about furniture, I was distracted with the eye candy. I don't think she picked up on it though. Anyway, after lunch I took her home. I decided to vacuum and wash my car while at her house. So I spent the next hour and a half cleaning my car. I haven't cleaned my car since last fall. It took awhile to get it all done. But now it looks really good. I probably won't get the chance to do that thorough of a cleaning for a long time. I'm glad I got it done.

I was so tired when I got home that I laid down and took a nap. When I woke up it was after 6:00 PM! I slept for almost 2 hours! I was supposed to call Shawn before he went out but by the time I woke up and remembered, it was too late. I will definitely call him tomorrow. I'm just going to relax tonight and watch TV.

Maudlin Mood

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You’d think with the beautiful weather we’ve had the last few days here in the DC area that I’d be in a better mood. But, I’m not. Thoughts of men keep entering my mind. I want Shawn but he’s in another state and out of reach. I wouldn’t mind developing something with Brad but he dumped me. I haven’t been approached for a date in a long time. I’m beginning to think I’m too old to have a real lasting relationship. One of my ex-boyfriends told me a long time ago when I broke up with him that I would be alone the rest of my life. I’m beginning to believe him. I just can’t figure out men. What do they want? What don’t they want? The last 3 guys who I dated seriously were the ones who pursued me. They approached me with interest. Once meeting them and getting to know them, I returned the interest. Things begin going in the right direction. I’m feeling good about it. Then something happens. Either I begin to make the relationship more serious then they care for, or they simply loose interest in me. I don’t know what it is. I think I want what most gay men want. I serious relationship with another man they are attracted to, like to spend time with, want to fall in love with. Sounds wonderful but so elusive. And of course there are those who claim to want to be friends and then never call or want to get together. I quickly give up on them. That’s probably why I have so few friends. Brad said we’d be friends and still go out. I haven’t seen him for more then a week. We chatted in e-mail earlier this week but that’s it. Is it time to give up on him and let that go? I mean, we were possibly going to go to a movie last weekend. He was going to call and let me know but he never did. Said later in an e-mail that he ended up being lethargic and stuffed up and laying around the house. I get like that too but if I had told someone I might get together with them and I’ll let them know, I’d call them and tell them so. I guess I’m just being sensitive and picky. I just want guys to tell me what it is they want. And what they don’t want. There are those who don’t know what they want. I should add that to my list of reasons to avoid men. If they don’t know what they want, I shouldn’t be the guinea pig for them to figure out what it is they want. I wouldn’t say I’m hurt by this thing with Brad. I guess I’m actually thinking about how good I had it with Shawn and how disappointed I am that it didn’t go the same way with Brad. I really can’t compare the two. They are different men all together. But at least with Shawn I knew what he wanted and how he felt about me.

Sometimes I wonder if writing things like this in such a public forum is revealing too much about myself. And then I realize that everyone feels like this at one time or another. After writing things like this I debate whether I should actually post it or not. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. This one won the debate. I also think about those who are mentioned in the post. Do they get mad when they read it? Do they feel I’m telling too much about what’s going on between us? I don’t know. And I shouldn’t really care. Afterall, this is my outlet for just this type of sentiment.

And no, I haven’t had anything to drink tonight. Just too much free time to think.