The only highlight from yesterday was getting a call from Homer. He always brightens my day.

I stayed up until 1:00 AM watching the returns. I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I had to go to sleep. It was a restless 4 hours. I woke up at 5:00 AM to see nothing had changed. All the networks were saying how Kerry would have to concede. That there was no way he could get Ohio. I knew the end was near. I felt sick. I felt beat up.

All day today I avoided my republican colleagues. One tried to talk to me and I simply told her I could not speak to her. I feel at this point I can't be friends with someone who would put that man in the White House for another four years. I can't talk to, relate to someone who feels the exact opposite I do on so many issues. I fear I will alienate many republican colleagues. So be it. I will be professional when I need to be but there will be no social contact with these people. I simply can't do it.

I'm disgusted with the American people. They have made it clear that bigotry and hate are the norms and they have backed a man who will change the rest of my life. Not only will I have to put up with it for the next four years but for the rest of my life. He will be the man who changes the Supreme Court. He will make it virtually impossible for a man to love another man and enjoy the freedoms he reserves for himself. He is the one who made it possible for 10 states to completely ban gay marriage or civil unions. I fear he will also make it possible to overturn Roe V. Wade.

Our country is going backwards. The uneducated, religious right is taking over. Exit polls show that 78% of voters admitted they voted for moral issues. We are doomed. Discrimination and hate will rule.

When this election season began with the primaries I was dating HIM. He and I spoke then about moving to Canada when we retire. I am convinced that is what I will do. Maybe he'll be there. I have to survive 12 more years and then I can retire. If nothing changes, and I fear it won't, I'll be packing up and immigrating to Canada. I'll be old and I'll probably be single, but I won't have to fear loving another man and having the entire country hate me for doing so.

Today I found myself trying to figure out how so many people in our country can be so ignorant. This was THE most important election of our lifetime. We lost. Our lives are changed forever. Those stupid, religious right, mid westerners from the heartland fucked us over good.

We will be attacked again. We will have a deficit so large, we'll never get out from under it. We will continue to be hated by the world. Laws will be changed to allow and accept hate and discrimination. It is sad. I'm embarrassed to be an American.