Interesting occurrence at work today that got me thinking. We had a baby shower for a fellow young colleague. I was standing around chatting with some older colleagues saying how I don’t care for these gatherings because of the time it takes away from all the other things I need to get done. One of the older colleagues said to me, “Someday you’ll get married and have kids. You’ll enjoy one of these celebrations too.” I assured her I would not be getting married or having kids anytime in the future. Now this brought up two issues in my mind.

First of all, I’m a single male approaching the age of 40. All of my colleagues know I don’t date. Surely this woman must have it figured out that I’m gay. Granted, I’m not a queen or swishy in any way but I am 40 and single and have never discussed my personal dating life in the work place. One of the other older colleagues who was standing there chatting with us must have it figured out because she didn’t say anything about my getting married. She also happens to know that I was very good friends with an out lesbian who used to work there years ago and has since retired. She must have figured I was gay by association. Since I used to spend so much time with the lesbian and I’m almost 40 and single, I must be gay and I wouldn’t get married. Are there still older clueless people out there who have no idea about who might be gay and who might not be gay? This woman who said I’d get married is close to retirement and does exhibit cluelessness from time to time, but I’ve worked with her for 17 years. I just assumed she had me figured out. I am not out at work because I don’t think my private life has anything to do with my work life. I make a point not to discuss what’s going on in my private life at work. It’s simply none of their business. I know some of you are saying to yourselves that I should come out at work, etc. but it’s not for me. I’ve come out to my family and friends. I way past the coming out stage.

The second issue that came to mind when that woman said I’d get married was the fact that right now I can’t get married (well except for San Francisco and a few other isolated places). If I was out at work, and if I was with someone for a significant amount of time and wanted to get married, I legally wouldn’t be able to marry. And would I want the people I work with to be at the wedding? Well, maybe a few of them. But right now, no one at work knows I’m gay. They may suspect that I might be gay but I haven’t come out to anyone. They can suspect all they want. But it’s really none of their business in the first place. What I do in my private life has nothing to do with my work life. Brad, my current boyfriend, lets me rant while we watch the news together. I get so mad when I see segments on the news about the gay marriage issue. I do get upset about the issue. I support gay marriage simply for the legal ramifications. Gay men and lesbians should have the same rights as breeders, period. I don’t think you should bring religion into the issue at all. Religion is a very personal thing. You can’t imprint your religious beliefs on anyone nor should you. That’s what Bush is doing here. He’s using religion to possibly change the constitution. There has always been a separation of church and state and religion should be the last thing used to write discrimination into the constitution. I think eventually this issue will be settled in the courts. With the amount of marriages that have already taken place, the courts would be back logged trying to settle cases about nullifying those marriage licenses. The only problem is that the supreme court may continue to throw the cases back to the states. It would be odd if each state came up with it’s own version of a bill for gay marriage or civil union. I think eventually there will have to be a national law for gay marriage. States would have to recognize them in that case, wouldn’t they? I don’t know all the details of it but I would think that it would eventually be settled in the courts and some day gays and lesbians would be able to have the same rights as breeders. I may not see it in my lifetime but I do think it will happen.

And who knows. If it does happen in my life time, and I’m with Brad for a long time and he’ll have me, I might marry him (Brad cringes as he reads this).