Late this afternoon I watched Queer As Folk. I taped it last night since I forgot to tape it Sunday night. The show was pretty good. The story lines are moving along as expected. The best scene and probably the only sexual scene in the whole show was when the hot football player showed his nice abs and then jumped on Emmit. He rolled him over and yanked down his pants. I'm not attracted to Emmett at all. He's way too queeny for me. But damn, he's got a nice but. It's hairless and round. Just the right size. Very nice.

Seeing Emmett's butt reminded me again how horny I've been lately. I haven't dated anyone or even been remotely interested in men since Brad broke up with me in March. I've dabbled in my masturbatory activities from time to time but I haven't felt sexual at all in a long time. Lately however, I've been feeling the urge to have some physical contact with another man. I'm not interested in some quick sex though. I'm craving and missing the passionate intimacy that is associated with dating someone. I miss the touch of another man. The smell of another man. I miss feeling a rough beard against my face as we kiss. I miss running my hand down a man's back and onto his ass. Of course I miss all the actual sex acts too but it's the closeness and intimacy that I miss the most. The touching, the discovering, the exploring. I guess I'm just plain horny and jerking off just isn't cutting it anymore. I know really down deep that it's Shawn's touch and intimacy that I'm missing but I don't want to admit it. Shawn already knows how much I miss him and wish we were together so this won't come as a shock to him. I just don't know if I can find the same feeling I had with him with another guy. Writing about it here certainly won't help either.