Oklahoma Here I Come

There’s an old gay joke that I’m sure you’ve heard that goes like this:

Two lesbians are moving from San Francisco to New York City. Two gay guys are moving from New York City to San Francisco. Who gets there first? The two lesbians of course. The lesbians go lickety split while the gay guys are still packing their shit.

I felt like the gay guy yesterday. So typical. I am taking everything but the kitchen sink. There shouldn’t be a thing I need on this road trip to Oklahoma. I’ll have it all in the back of my SUV. I am hoping to find somewhere to update the blog along the way but I don’t know what connections I might find between here and Oklahoma. I do know though, that my hotel room has high speed internet access so I’ll be able to update once I get there. So I’m off now for a 10 day road trip!

Odds and Ends


According to the poll results there are a lot of tired hands out there. Seems like you guys are beating the meat a lot. Five or more times a week seems like a lot to me. I’m more of a three or four times a week kinda guy, unless I get some new porn. Speaking of which, a good friend of mine made a DVD for me and gave it to me yesterday. Last night was a busy night.

With the fun and stimulation out of the way, today I’ll be shopping, getting gas, getting cash, and packing all day today. Tomorrow morning I’ll be leaving on my road trip. After a short stay in Charlottesville to visit my dad, seeing Montpelier and Monticello, I’ll be driving to the midwest to see Shawn in Oklahoma. I should be there by Thursday afternoon. When I tell friends that I’m driving to Oklahoma they can’t believe it. I know it would be much easier to fly but I’m not fond of flying and not just because of 9/11. I’ve never been fond of flying. Driving is so much easier to me and I can take my time and enjoy the trip. I know I’ll have fun.

My friend David came over last night. We watched Big Brother 5. I’m so glad that the alliance is fooling Jace into believing he’s out of the woods. I love their plan. I hope it goes through. I hope I’ll be able to catch up with the show while I’m on my trip. I was telling David about taking my lap top with me and he was able to show me some websites where I can find wifi zones so that I can connect wirelessly while on the road to update my blog and upload pictures and such. He showed me how I can use my web enabled cell phone to find the hot spot and then go there and my lap top should pick up the signal easily. I hope it works as easily as it did last night. Technology is so cool. Last week I bought Canon ZR85 Digital Camcorder so that I could document parts of my trip. I’d like to be able to update the blog with videos and photos along the way so I was glad David showed me how to find wifi hot spots.

While David was here I accidentally slammed my left pinky toe into the leg of my big leather chair. I split the tiny toenail and it started to bleed. It hurt like hell too! I don’t think I broke it but this morning it’s not looking very pretty. The nail is split right in the middle and my toe is beginning to show a bruise. I haven’t put my foot into a shoe yet this morning so I don’t know how that’s going to feel. I’m sure it’s going to hurt. I don’t think I broke it though. I’m able to move it. It just looks awful. Sometimes I’m such a klux. Ouch! If you care to see my toe in a larger format, click on the picture. Gross, I know.

Manscaping

Some gay men appreciate hairy men. There was a time when a hairy chested man with facial hair was really hot. Porn was filled with hairy men. In recent years the trend has been to have hairless men or men with very little body hair. The trend might be changing back to hairy men.

MANSCAPING

Definition: The act of grooming, shaving or trimming hair on the male body. Derived from the word landscaping.

Examples: Mark has more hair on his back than on his head. He needs some serious manscaping.

You get to a certain age when you begin to have hair growing out of different parts of your body where it never previously grew. If you want to remain part of the gay community a bit of manscaping must be accomplished. Guys, you know of what I speak. You know you’ve been there. You’ve watched Queer Eye, you know it must be done. Once a month or so I need to spend some time doing just that, manscaping.

It starts on the top of your head. You must get a nice haircut. You must make sure the stylist trims those hairs that tend to roam down the back of your neck. The stylist must also pay attention to trim properly around the ears and keep those sideburns neat. A decent haircut is just the beginning.

You next move to the ears. Yes, the ears. Around the age of 40 you will begin to notice little hairs growing from your ears. Not only are they unsightly but they also tickle the inside of your ears and make you constantly scratch at the inside of your ears. There are several ways to deal with these little hairs. You can simple use a little trimmer and trim them. Or if you have excess amounts of hair, you can have them waxed. I’ve seen this on TV and it doesn’t look pleasant. One more way would be to pluck them with tweezers. This is my preferred method. I have just a few that stick out. Plucking them gives you that clean look and they won’t grow back for several weeks. Don’t just pluck the ones that are kind of on the inside, get all those little ones that grow along the edge of your ears. If they are light colored and fine like on a baby’s butt, you can leave them for the time being. But be warned, they will change color and grow. So keep an eye on the ear hair.

Move to the face at this point. Begin with the brow or as some men know it, the uni-brow. You know, that little space between your eyebrows that is supposed to be there. Again, this area can be dealt with different ways. Waxing hurts, shaving is never ending, but plucking is the best. Depending on how thick the forest is in this area of course. I prefer plucking. I only have a few trees growing in that area but they are as dark as the hair on my head and must be plucked to maintain the skin color that should be in that area of my face.

Next is the nose. Ouch! This is a very sensitive area. Some men tend to leave this area out of their manscaping regimen. But they must persevere and make this a regular part of their routine. Please men, it is absolutely disgusting to even attempt to kiss another man with hairs sticking out of his nose. Plucking this area works but causes much pain and tears. The easiest way to deal with this area is to get one of those nose/ear hair trimmers. This is a simple process. You simple turn it on, gently insert the trimming end of the device into each nostril and move it around until all the menacing follicles have been eradicated. Any remaining hairs can be plucked but be ready for some pain.

I won’t even go into shaving the face. There are many ways to shave the face. You already know what works best for you. Stick to that unless it’s not working. And if it’s not working, do some research and try something new. I prefer an electric razor. I know, this isn’t what the Queer Eye guys suggest. But it works best for me. I will continue to do it this way. I also keep my goatee trimmed. Sometimes I let it grow out a bit but for the most part I keep it trimmed. Yet another device you’ll need to buy of course.

There was a trend there for awhile (not sure if it’s still around) where lots of guys wanted smooth chests. There are lots of guys out there who like to shave their chests. Many of them are bodybuilders or wannabes. I, for one, don’t care to rub a guy’s chest and feel the stubble of a recently shaved chest. I’d prefer to either feel the hairy chest the way it was meant to be felt or to feel a naturally smooth chest. If I were you, I’d shy away from shaving this region of your body. Natural is always better on the chest.

Another area some gay men (and straight men these days) feel requires some maintenance is the nether regions, or pubic area. Some like to have their balls completely shaved and smooth. I for one will avoid this. Doing this a few times in your life and having to live with the re-growth is enough for me to abstain from doing that much in the future. However, a good trim of the longer areas is a must. Using your goatee trimmer will make this process easier. But please, use the guard. Trimmers such as this have been known to grab some sack skin and give it a good nick. Be careful.

Finally, we must address the issue of back hair. Don’t shake your head. You know there are many men out there who have at least some hair growing somewhere on their backs. I, for one, do have a few small patches of fine hair. Most guys have a patch growing right at the crack of their ass. That’s fine. I think most guys can deal with that. It’s when it grows up on the shoulders or all over the back that it gets to be a turn off (for me at least). There are those who like hairy guys and that’s fine. If that’s the case, feel free to skip this section. For those of you who are unfortunate enough to have this back hair problem there are ways of removing this distraction. You can shave it of course but then you’ll have to shave it forever. You can wax it. And that’s acceptable but you’ll have to do it again in several weeks. You can even use Nair for men. I’ve used this once before. Be careful. It burns if you leave it on too long. This lasts about as long as waxing. One expensive option is laser hair removal. This is permanent. This procedure is very expensive and takes more then a year of treatments every 12 weeks or so. But once it’s done, it’s gone. I will admit here that I’ve had the laser hair removal on my shoulders and it worked very nicely. I can count the number of hairs on my right hand that have grown back or were never zapped in the first place. If I was made of money, I’d have that patch near my ass crack done. I think most guys just accept the fact that they have hair growing on their backs and leave it alone unless they are related to gorillas. Then they do something about it.

I am confident that most gay men (and some straight men) go through just this type of routine. They may not admit it but they do. You can all relate I’m sure. And if you don’t follow a routine such as this, maybe you should, um’kay.

Gender Confusion

ejmom (9:19:40 PM): hi i read your profile and wanted to know if you wanted to talk

Archerr (9:20:29 PM): so whats up?

ejmom (9:21:01 PM): i was

Archerr (9:21:24 PM): but not anymore?

ejmom (9:21:45 PM): so you are single

Archerr (9:22:01 PM): yes, I am single

ejmom (9:22:54 PM): so am I. I am looking for a good friendship which possibly could lead into a long term relationship

Archerr (9:23:23 PM): Cool…nothing wrong with that. So why don't you have any information in your profile?

ejmom (9:24:01 PM): I just got a account with aol and trying to set up a profil now

Archerr (9:24:26 PM): That's cool. So tell me about yourself…age, stats, location, etc.

ejmom (9:25:45 PM): 31, single, live in manassas, 5'3, 135 lbs, hazel green eyes, shoulder length light brown hair,

Archerr (9:26:25 PM): Cool…I guess you saw my information in my profile or on my website.

ejmom (9:26:48 PM): yes and i was interested that is why i im you

ejmom (9:26:58 PM): so what do you like to do in your free time

Archerr (9:27:28 PM): I read, I walk, I play on the computer, I watch TV….just relax. What about you?

ejmom (9:28:50 PM): i read, i walk every night, i like playing on computer and watching tv also, i enjoy watching tv better with someone special, I also like camping, going to the movies,

Archerr (9:29:13 PM): cool….do you have any pictures to share?

ejmom (9:29:30 PM): no not yet sorry

Archerr (9:29:37 PM): ah okay

ejmom (9:30:55 PM): do you live by yourself

Archerr (9:31:02 PM): yes, I do

ejmom (9:31:24 PM): do you have any children

Archerr (9:31:39 PM): no, I've never been married and only had sex with a woman once. Do you?

ejmom (9:32:22 PM): yes i have 2 children

ejmom (9:32:27 PM): do you like kids

Archerr (9:32:49 PM): yes, I like children. Do you have custody of them? Are you still married?

ejmom (9:33:09 PM): yes i have full custody of both of them i was never married

Archerr (9:33:20 PM): where is their mother?

Archerr (9:34:41 PM): oh wait, are you a woman?

ejmom (9:34:52 PM): yeah

Archerr (9:35:06 PM): oh…maybe you didn't read my profile too closely…I'm a gay man.

ejmom (9:36:20 PM):

Lesbian Friends

Several years ago there used to be four gay colleagues at my school. We were only out to each other. We used to get together at a different person’s house once a month or so and have dinner and dish school dirt. It was so fun back then. I actually had a gay social life with those people. Then things changed. One became a principal, one died (she had breast cancer and an aortic aneurism), and one retired and moved to Florida with her partner. I was left alone. There aren’t any other gay colleagues that I am aware of in my school. I haven’t seen Sandy (the one who moved to Florida) for more then a year.

She and her partner were in town this week and one of my current colleagues had a little get together today at her house so those of us who worked with Sandy could visit with her and catch up. It was so good seeing her. We were able to catch up. I was able to tell her some of the relationships I’ve been through in the last year. I also told her about my visit to see Shawn next week. We talked about that for just a few minutes. Having other straight colleagues around who don’t know I’m gay makes it difficult to talk about my relationship drama. So I told her we’d catch up online sometime. The pictures above are of Sandy and me and Sandy and her partner, Nina. I really miss hanging out and shooting the shit with them. Maybe next summer I’ll drive down to Florida.