First off, I'm not buying a new car. Besides the fact that Homer is right and I don't need a car and should put the money towards my retirement, I've realized that I was buying a new car for the wrong reasons. I would be buying a new car to make me feel better for being lonely and depressed about being alone on Christmas. I'm an adult and should recognize these feelings and not try to placate them with things like a new car. So I've decided to be an adult and not waste money on something I don't need. I will put the money towards my retirement and deal with the way I'm feeling right now.

I had a long, sometimes heated, discussion with my mother on the phone this evening. I come from a large family and all my brothers and sisters are married and have their own families. My mother is convinced that we will never get together as a family again. She can't understand why we all don't work together to have a gathering. She feels it's her fault that we aren't all getting together for Christmas. My brothers and sisters are trying to establish their own Christmas traditions and they don't include the entire family. I've accepted that. I also accepted that until I have a boyfriend, I'll probably be alone on Christmas. I've accepted that as well. I don't like it, but I can deal with it.

Tonight I finally told her the real reasons why I don't want to get together with my family. I told her that I feel bad or left out when my brothers and sisters sit around on Christmas morning opening presents and I sit there and have nothing to open. It's just sad. I also told her that this year I don't want to be around them because almost all of them are republicans and voted for the idiot in office. I am still pissed off with this election and the people in my life who I know voted the wrong way. I just can't stand to be around these people. It just eats me up inside to know that people so close to me basically voted against me and a life I hope to have someday. Finally, I told her that as we've gotten older, we have nothing in common. I have nothing to talk to my family about. They all have kids and the kids are their focus. That's all they talk about. That's all my mother talks about when she calls…everything she did with the grandkids. I'm so sick of hearing about it. Again, the last thing I want to do is sit around for hours with all my brothers and sisters and hear about every little thing their kids have done lately. I just don't want to do that. Mother was crying most of this conversation. She just can't see how things are changing in our family and she can't have things the way she wants them to be. The thing is I'm not the only one in the family who feels this way and doesn't want to spend time with the other members of the family. So it's not a gay thing.

A lot of things have pissed me off today. Well, not just today but it seems a lot of little things lately are making me mad. Everyday I see on the news how some christian group is protesting this or that saying they are being put down because of their religion. They feel that since they voted the idiot back in office he owes them something. I heard on the news tonight that several churches are boycotting stores that don't have “Merry Christmas” in their stores or advertisements. I'm telling you this country is going backwards. Christians are taking over and making it their agenda that their religion is the only one. I'm so sick of these people. I'm scared. This is just the beginning. I hear people say that it would never get as extreme as it was in the 50s and 60s but I have my doubts. Mark my word that it will get a lot worse before it gets better. Before you know it, people will be going back in the closet. Fuckin' christians. Mind your own damn business, live your life the way you want, and leave the rest of us alone.

One more thing pissed me off today. Well, not just today but everyday. I tend to leave for work at the same time each day. So do other people. I tend to see the same people in their cars at the lights and stop signs at the same time. I get to this one light and every single day there is this women in a Toyota Camry who comes up in the right lane with her high beam lights on. Now I can understand it happening once by mistake, but this lady has them on EVERY SINGLE DAY! What is wrong with this stupid bitch? Does she not realize they are on EVERY SINGLE DAY? These are the kind of people who piss me off. Every time I see her I try to get her attention to tell her they are on but she never looks in my direction. I hate people like this. How stupid can you be? Why is this country so full of stupid people? I just want to scream sometimes!

Christmas sucks!