For the last week I have been an emotional mess. Everything I do I think of Shawn. Would Shawn like that movie? Shawn’s probably watching BB5 right now. I wonder what Shawn is doing? I could not stop thinking about Shawn. Would he move back to DC? Did he ever even love me? Does he have feelings for me still? I could not get over Shawn. I had a phone conversation with him this afternoon. We rehashed everything over again. Where would this go? What would happen? What does the future hold? Over and over. Shawn has no intention of moving back to DC or even considering it at this time. He doesn’t have the same feelings for me that he once had. He’s casually dating someone too. He’s living in the future and I’m stuck in the past. Everyone I talk to says I have to forget Shawn and move on. The only way I will be able to get over him is to stop talking to him and move on. Talking with Shawn about this one more time was very painful. While talking to him I came to the conclusion that I have to stop all contact with him for the time being. It’s the only way. I ended the conversation saying that I’ll be in touch with him sometime in the future. I had yet another cry about it and then I decided that’s it. I have to move on. I then watched a french film I rented. It’s called Confusion of Genders. The film is not important but I do know it’s one Shawn would enjoy. But there was one scene in the film that pretty much summed it up. Click on the picture above to see the subtitles. That’s how I felt and I can’t feel like that anymore. So as of this moment I will no longer write about Shawn and all the pain. I’m sure some of my readers will be glad they won’t have to read about him anymore. If and when the time comes that I have moved on and am over him, I will get in touch with him. He said that no matter how long it takes that he’ll still want to be my friend. Until that time, I’m moving on.
Goodbye, Lenin!
Typical Saturday night for me. No dates. Alone again. So what do I do? Get on AOL and Gay.com and watch the screens fly by. I did have a great chat with Patrick. He’s the iMovie guru who taught me everything I know. Too bad he’s on the other coast. So then I let the computer sit there while I decided to watch the DVD I rented on Friday, Goodbye, Lenin!
I mentioned it in my post on Friday but I got the description wrong. Here’s the description from IMDB:
East Germany, the year 1989: A young man protests against the regime. His mother watches the police arresting him and suffers a heart attack and falls into a coma. Some months later, the GDR does not exist anymore and the mother awakes. Since she has to avoid every excitement, the son tries to set up the GDR again for her in their flat. But the world has changed a lot.
I really enjoyed the movie. It was German with English subtitles. The music was typically period East German music. I really liked the length at which the main character, Alex (played by cutie Daniel Brühl), went to convince his mother that East Germany was still alive and well during her 8 month coma. He truly loved his mother and didn’t want the fall of the Wall cause her death. He could have also been feeling guilty because his mother had the heart attack when she saw him protesting the regime. He was determined to make sure the rest of her life was filled with the memories of East Germany. I think he succeeded. There were a few funny parts. Once when she looked out the window and saw a Coca Cola banner hanging from a near by building. Another humorous time was when they were trying to re-create a news show from East Germany and a poster in the back ground fell off the wall. Mostly this was a serious movie. There was some great historical footage of the Wall coming down. If you are looking for a decent foreign film to rent, check out Goodbye, Lenin!
Here are the results from my fourth poll. The poll was the brain child of my friend David. He was convinced that gay men who are good friends help each other with their manscaping. Now I believe him. It’s nice to have good friends who will help you get through an emotional crisis as well as wax the hair off your back.
ISO
Men. Interested in meeting/dating white men, 38 to 42. Prefer men who enjoy reading, watching movies and DVD's, having intelligent conversation about books, movies, and politics. Men who are single, established, grounded, independent, have direction, enjoy quiet nights at home or an occasional night out on the town, and are looking to settle down and develop a long term relationship.
Now, where to post this ad?
DVD Day
I started the day editing video from my vacation. I was only able to complete one little video showing the mountains of West Virginia. You can see it below. Just click on the picture. Of course you’ll need Quicktime to see it. Anyway, so after I finished that video I got bored and watched some TV. I was watching the View. It was a rerun. They had the cast of “The Stepford Wives” on. I hadn’t seen that movie. When the show was over, I decided to walk down to the video store and see if it’s out on DVD. It wasn’t. But I looked around and found some titles that I really hadn’t seen but have talked about with Shawn and others. So I picked up Along Came Polly, The Station Agent, and Goodbye Lenin.
I started with Along Came Polly. I know, I know. This isn’t the cinematic gem that some might think it is but I wanted to see it anyway. Even though this was a silly movie, there were things about it that I liked. I liked several of the songs that were in the movie. Songs always evoke emotions in me so hearing some of these songs brought up emotions. None of which had anything to do with the movie. The two songs that evoke emotions were Don’t You Forget About Me by Simple Minds and Let My Love Open The Door Pete Townshend. I don’t know why these songs stood out but the lyrics were so fitting. Anyway, I did enjoy the music. Another thing I liked about this movie was the way Ben Stiller’s character learned how to salsa dance because Polly liked to dance. I thought that was very thoughtful of him. I know it’s silly, but I thought it was hilarious.
After watching Along Came Polly, I watched The Station Agent. This movie was a bit odd. It was about a little person, FinnFinn, (that picture doesn’t do him justice) who inherited a train station and decides to live in it. He meets some people in the town and basically becomes friends with them. We go through their problems and learn more about them. Shawn told me about this movie a long time ago so of course I had to watch it. I know he liked it because he likes Bobby Cannavale. I actually liked this movie too. It’s not your run of the mill movie that everyone would like but it does have it’s moments. Surprisingly, the little person, Finn, reminded me so much of Brad. He looks just like him and the character had the exact same personality as Brad. Granted, Brad is not a little person, but Finn has the same facial features as Brad. What struck me most was the personality traits that this character had and how they were SO much like Brad. Anyway, I did enjoy the movie.
I still have yet to watch Goodbye Lenin. I know it’s about a boy in one of the Baltic states whose mother is in a coma. When she comes out of the coma she thinks it’s still in the time of Lenin. Her son goes to extreme lengths to make her believe it. It should be a good movie. I’ve heard and read good things about it. Of course I’ll write about it after I see it.
First Dates
First dates can be very awkward. There are so many things that can complicate the event. Whether you chat with a guy online or meet him in a bar, there are things to think about when having a first date.
You first have to decide on where to meet. Will it be for coffee, a drink, or dinner? Near where you live or near where he lives? Depending on how strongly you feel about these decisions you could really let him decide. I actually prefer to have coffee or a drink. I'm a very picky eater and agreeing on a restaurant might be difficult. I also prefer to meet closer to my place. I'll feel more comfortable coming back to my place if I find him interesting and want to learn more about him. And when it comes to paying, make sure it's dutch. The first date with a guy shouldn't be one person paying for the other. Do you want him to think he owes you something more or you owe him something more?
Another point is what to wear. You don't want to get all dressed up and give the guy the impression that you are a sharp dresser all the time when in actuality you wear jeans and tee shirts. If you don't get dressed up though, he may think you're a bum. It's so complicated. Take the middle ground and dress casual. I have learned to dress like I normally would so as not to give the impression that I'm something I'm not. Depending on the temperature, I'd wear jeans or shorts and a plaid shirt. My basic uniform. And are you even thinking about what he's going to wear?
Having things to talk about on a first date can be tricky as well. If you have talked on the phone before hand and have already found out all the things you were curious about, what will you talk about on the date? I've done that in the past and found myself asking the same questions on the first date that I asked when we talked on the phone. It made me sound like I wasn't listening the first time we talked. You don't want to have any of those awkward silences that signal the date should end soon. Oh, and definitely avoid controversial topics. Stay away from politics, religion, and sexual proclivities. And definitely don't talk about your ex-boyfriends. Unless of course he asks you about them. Recent first dates for me consisted completely of conversations about ex-boyfriends. I say this is a bad thing but you can actually find out more about the current guy and what happened with the ex then you could if you didn't talk about them.
What about the end of the evening? Should you kiss? Have sex? It has been my experience that having sex on the first date dooms the possibility of the relationship. In my most successful relationship we didn't have sex for almost 5 weeks of seeing each other. Then again, we're not together today so maybe that's bullshit. I guess you have to go with your gut feeling. If the chemistry is right and things feel good, go for it. But if you have the slightest hesitation looming in your mind, avoid the sex. A kiss is nice. But who initiates it? Don't be too eager but don't let the chance to feel his lips pass either. When the evening is obviously over and you are saying your goodbyes, simply lean in slightly and if he is feeling it too, a kiss will occur. If the first kiss leads to a second then maybe a little tongue can be added. But don't go overboard. Just give him a taste of what's to come. Jamming your tongue down his throat might be turn off on the first date.
Ah, first dates can be so complicated but they can also be so exciting. The chance of new love gives you that warm fuzzy feeling….and a woody sometimes. Anyone want to go out?